


Strange Feeling

by Primarina (PastelBrachypelma)



Series: Queerplatonic Adventures [1]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Fluff, Fluffy Ending, M/M, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Queerplatonic Relationships, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, so fluffy you'll die tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 11:18:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16680592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelBrachypelma/pseuds/Primarina
Summary: "I’ve always got somewhere to be, or something to do, while Arin's gone. I’ve never felt like this."





	Strange Feeling

Dan slid back away from his desk, massaging his skull with his fingers. 

Arin and Suzy had gone to Japan to visit some friends of theirs who lived there. (From the way Arin made it sound, they were more Suzy’s friends, but “that’s what you do when you’re married, dude.” “Fly all the way to Japan so Suzy can see her lady friends?” “Pretty much, yeah.”) And ever since they’d left, Dan had been…well, something like depressed!

He was hesitant to call it depression, exactly, because he knew what that felt like, and he rarely got like that anymore. But, he realized as he walked back through his mind, he only ever got like this…when Arin was gone. In the past, when he lived with Barry, he’d help his out of sorts feelings along by hanging out with his roommate. Now, in a big house in Glendale by himself, he felt…

He felt utterly and completely alone.

He’d been calling home more frequently than usual, and his mom and dad were starting to worry. They wouldn’t say outright, but it was something in their tone that reminded him of the gentle coaxing he’d often gotten whenever he’d break up with girlfriends as a kid. 

He’d been more honest with his grandmother.

“I miss Arin,” he’d said, lying on his back, one hand’s fingers drumming on his stomach (now less than flat, thanks to Arin always nagging him to eat), the other holding his cell phone to his ear. “I don’t know why, but I miss him terribly.”

“You spend a lot of time together, dear,” his grandmother said in her wiry voice. “It’s natural that you miss him.”

“Yeah, but…” Dan shifted, sitting up on his bed. “I’ve never felt like this. I’ve always got somewhere to be, or something to do, while he’s gone. I don’t have anything to do, and I feel restless.” He sighed. “I just…I wanna record Grumps, or something.”

“Have you called him?” He knew his grandmother was giving him a Look through the phone.

“…no,” Dan said shyly, tugging his curls.

“Call him.”

“Mom, he’s with his wife…in Tokyo.”

“So?” His grandmother chuckled. “You two are such a couple.”

“Mom!” Dan groaned. “Don’t go fangirl on me!”

“I’m sure he’d love to hear from you, sweetie. What time is it in Japan right now?”

“Um…” Dan pulled his laptop close and opened it on his lap, typing in the time conversion. “2pm.”

“What are you doing talking to me, then?” His grandmother laughed. “Call him!” She hung up.

Dan sighed, scrolling through his phone to find Arin’s contact name. His thumb hovered over the call button…

But he let it drop.

His grandmother’s heart was in the right place, but there was no way Arin would want to take time out of his trip just to talk to him.

With a heavy heart, Dan got up and grabbed a protein bar for dinner. It was all he could stomach with the inexplicable sorrow hanging over him, and he just barely managed to finish it.

~

Dan moped.

He was aware he was moping, but it felt so satisfying somehow. It was three in the afternoon, and Dan hadn’t gotten out of bed yet, drifting in and out of sleep, sometimes on his phone for a few minutes. The afternoon sun was in his eyes now, though, making further sleep without getting up to pull his curtains impossible. Plus, he really had to piss.

Dan pissed and brushed his teeth, took a shower. Then, he crawled back into bed in a towel and futzed around on his phone. His stomach was growling demandingly by this point, and he realized that even if he was going to Postmate dinner, he’d have to be at least most of the way dressed to answer the door.

With heavy limbs, Dan dressed himself in sweatpants and a tee shirt. It was a Grumps charity shirt with himself and Arin featured prominently. He smiled at Arin’s little cartoon face, smoothing his hand over the design.

His stomach growled. Oh. Right. Food.

He ordered pancakes and eggs, because pancakes were his favorite comfort food, still a cure-all twenty years later, and eggs reminded him of Arin. Arin’s eggs were the best in the world. In fact, most foods that Arin touched were spectacular. Suzy was a decent cook in her own right, but Arin…Arin was a domestic god in the kitchen.

Dan realized he was drooling, and swallowed hard. The doorbell rang, and Dan got up, paid the delivery person, and took his food to the table.

The pancakes were perfectly delicious, but the eggs couldn’t compare to Arin’s.

~

Something hit Dan at three in the morning.

He woke up with a boner.

“Am I in love with Arin?” He asked the darkness of his bedroom. Being less than straight wasn’t something that particularly scared him in any way. Arin’s constant noise about his evident bisexuality was enough to make Dan feel better about any feelings he might have for his own gender. 

Not that he really had any, but he was prepared to have them, in a way.

However, crushing on Arin…that was nerve-inducing. Firstly because Arin was not a porn actor, or a picture in a magazine. He was…Arin. Goofy, lovable, bombastic and quiet at the same time, cuddly, warm (in personality and body temperature), thoughtful, organized…he was all that and infinitely more.

And he was married. To Suzy. Dan would never cheat, or try to get anyone else to cheat, but he especially would never hurt Suzy, who had been hurt before, and whom he loved dearly. 

But did he love Arin? The obvious answer was “duh.” Of course he loved Arin. Arin had given him a job, a livelihood. Given him confidence and hope. Given him more love than he could have ever known he wanted.

But was it romantic, and did he want Arin sexually?

Dan hummed, and slid his pajama bottoms carefully off his dick. He took a breath and closed his hand around his shaft, giving a teasing stroke up, feeling his endorphins climb.

Okay.

He closed his eyes and let himself fall into a fantasy, only this time, it wasn’t the big boobed bottle blonde from his usual masturbatory fantasies in the starring role. 

He tried to masturbate to Arin blowing him, riding him, fucking him. No dice. He was actually losing his boner. Okay. He reversed it. Eating Arin out, fucking Arin, Arin fingering him.

Nope. Dan actually shuddered and withdrew his hands, covering himself up again. He barely had a half chub and no desire to tend to it, even trying his usual fantasies. He couldn’t tell if the act itself was making him feel uneasy, or if it was Arin being in those scenarios that made him uneasy.

Fuck, this was complicated. He was too goddamn old to have a crisis about his sexuality!

Dan realized his heart rate had rocketed up a notch, and he closed his eyes, taking deep breaths into his stomach, out through his nose, gradually calming himself down until he was almost drowsy. He could feel himself drifting away, and he let himself doze.

In his dreams, he was with Arin, pressed against his side, cozy beyond words. Arin’s fingers were gently running through his curls, his fingernails brushing against his scalp. 

Dan woke up well rested and extremely confused.

~

“Suzy, we need to talk.”

It was 4PM in Japan. Suzy and Gab were playing videogames. The boys were out wandering around Tokyo, ostensibly looking for food but probably goofing off. And Dan had called her, sounding frantic. Suzy couldn’t help worrying.

“Dan? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

Dan shook his head, pacing. It was 11PM in California, and he was anxiously running a hole in his living room carpet. He was dazed, frankly. He hadn’t eaten since early that morning, and his head felt a mile above his body, which in turn felt weighted down. But he couldn’t stomach any food. He’d been nibbling to keep from passing out, but that was it. He was on his way to passing out, anyway, if he didn’t eat soon. Working out fairly regularly with Arin had sharpened what little appetite he’d had naturally and doubled his metabolism. He was starving. But he had to tell her.

“Suzy, I…” He bit his lip, tugging at a knot in his curls. “Scuze…I think I’m in love with your husband.”

Suzy went quiet, her heart in her throat. She let out a soft breath, waiting for Dan to go on.

“I…I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling or…or how to describe it. I don’t want to, like, have sex with him? Or anything. I just…I dreamed we were cuddling, and I don’t know if I want to kiss him! I just…I want to hold hands, maybe? It’s…” Dan took a breath, flopping down on his couch in defeat. “I don’t know, Suze. And I don’t want to hurt you, and I’m so scared. And I don’t want to hurt Arin…fuck.”

Suzy made a vague comforting noise, giving Dan the courage to continue.

“I…I think I want…more, from being friends with him.” Dan finished lamely. It sounded so nebulous and scary in his head, but out loud, it just sounded…he didn’t know. “I’m sorry, Scuze. Obviously, I won’t do anything, but…I thought you should know.” He closed his eyes, trying to swallow a sob. Dan had always followed his heart, done what it wanted. Not doing that hurt more than most physical pain he’d experienced in his life so far.

Suzy smiled. “Dan…I think the phrase you’re looking for is “queer-platonic relationship”.”

Dan froze. Then, he sat up carefully. “Wh…what?” He suddenly felt like he’d just gotten off the Tilt-a-Whirl. He was seeing double. Fuck.

“Yeah. It’s basically like an upgraded friendship.”

“But…” Dan stammered. “M—maybe I wanna kiss him, and—”

“Kissing is platonic,” Suzy replied. “QPRs don’t have to include kissing, but some do.”

“They do?”

“Sure!” Suzy giggled. Dan was cute when he was fussing. “I used to be in one with Holly before she and Ross split.”

“Did that include kissing?” Dan asked dumbly.

Suzy laughed. “Sometimes. Not always, though. The one I’m in with Gab definitely includes kissing.”

“Uhh…” 

“Dan,” Suzy said warmly, “are you asking my permission to start a queer-platonic relationship with Arin?”

“…yes…?” Dan stammered. “I guess…?”

“You have my permission.”

“But what about Arin?”

Suzy grinned mischievously into the mirror in Gab’s bathroom. “Goodnight, Dan.”

Dan pulled his phone back from his ear. What was it with all the ladies in his life hanging up on him recently?

His stomach growled. Dan went to make himself some chicken and stars while he looked up more about queer-platonic relationships.

Arin was coming home tomorrow. He didn’t want to fuck things up.

~

Arin called about two in the afternoon.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Dan,” Arin half-slurred. “I am so jet-lagged.”

Dan smiled. Just hearing Arin’s voice made the world seem lighter. “I can tell.”

“Come over,” Arin whined. “I brought you a bag of matcha Kit Kats and the maid cookies you like.”

Dan wet his lips and rubbed his belly as it growled. “Fuck. You know me way too well, man.”

Arin laughed warmly down the line. “Bring food. I’m starving.”

“You got it. Thai okay?” Dan grabbed his jacket, slipping it on, and pocketed his keys.

“Yeah, man. I’m down.”

“What’s Suzy want?”

“Oh, she went out,” Arin said casually. “Something about a collab, or whatever the fuck.”

Dan’s heart zoomed into his throat and stayed there. This was far from the first time he and Arin would be alone in Arin’s house…but it seemed a weird kind of intimate now that Dan wanted to…

“That cool with you?” Arin asked.

“Yeah,” Dan breathed. “I’ll be right over.”

“Hurry up. I’m hungry.”

~

Dan let himself into Arin and Suzy’s house and toed off his shoes. “Ar?”

“In here!” Arin called from the kitchen. Dan followed his voice, and his heart stopped.

Arin looked adorably sleep-mussed, hair all askew, shirt half tucked into cozy harem pants, big brown eyes adorably dozy. I’m in love, Dan thought. Maybe he’d always been, in a way.

“Hey,” Arin purred, his voice still gravelly from sleep. 

“Hey,” Dan parroted.

“You look a little pale,” Arin fussed. “You feelin okay?”

Dan nodded.

“Let’s eat,” Arin suggested. “Chicken satay always puts color back in your cheeks.”

“Can we…” Dan flushed. “Can we…eat on the couch?”

“Of course, dude!” Arin rummaged through the bag, digging out his order and handing Dan his. “I just wanted to set the sauces down where the cats won’t get it.”

“Oh,” Dan said, aware he sounded dazed. He couldn’t stop admiring Arin. Not really admiring how desirable his body was, or anything like that. Just watching Arin’s little movements, his unique body language that Dan had learned to read so well, wanting nothing more than to curl up against Arin and just breathe him in.

It had been a long two weeks. He had missed his friend. 

~

They sat on the couch, half-watching the new Avengers film. Arin didn’t object when Dan curled up close, and even briefly tilted his head against Dan’s as Dan rested on Arin’s shoulder.

It was…nice. And Dan did feel better after eating. His anxiety and latent OCD had kept him from enjoying food, and it felt good to just feed his body and relax. He yawned, and Arin put an arm around his shoulders.

Dan nuzzled close to Arin’s neck hesitantly. Arin smelled like Old Spice and fabric softener and a little bit like airplane. There was a patch on his neck that smelled of citrus and sandalwood—maybe Suzy’s doing. But it was nice and comforting. Dan dozed without realizing, but when he woke with a start, Arin simply shushed him, and he quickly went back to sleep.

~

“Suzy said you had something to tell me.”

Dan blinked, stirring against Arin’s side. He was warm and blissfully happy for the first time in days, and he hummed in question.

“What did you wanna tell me, Dan?”

Dan paused, bringing his hands together. “I, um…” He swallowed. “I…I think I want a, um…a queer-platonic relationship? With you? If that’s okay, I mean…Suzy said…”

Arin chuckled, burrowing into Dan’s curls. “Of course I wanna be in a QPR with you, dude. I’ve wanted that for a long time. Wasn’t it obvious?”

Dan laughed nervously. “So, the constant offers to suck my dick were supposed to tell me you wanted a non-sexual relationship with me?”

“Okay…you got me there.” Arin grinned sheepishly. 

Dan paused. This was the time you usually kissed someone, wasn’t it? He took a deep breath, and leaned in close, his forehead touching Arin’s. They were close enough to share breath, and Dan tilted his head…

And nuzzled Arin’s nose.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I, um…I don’t know if, uh…if kissing is something I wanna do.”

“It’s okay.” Arin nuzzled Dan’s nose back. “Can I kiss your forehead?”

Dan nodded, and smiled warmly when Arin did so. His moustache tickled against Dan’s skin. “Thank you. I love you.”

Arin tugged Dan closer, into his arms. “I love you, too.”

Dan curled up against Arin’s broach chest, purring like a cat. 

Content and whole.

**Author's Note:**

> Long ago, I had this idea that Dan would be awkward about entering a QPR with Arin and Suzy would be supportive. So, here ya go. Hope ya like it!
> 
> Now I need to go to bed because it's 2AM. RIP.


End file.
